Black Swan : Shadow on the Water
by Laivin
Summary: Rated for violence. A story of anger, hate and fear. Can love really conquer all? Can our beloved Marchwarden bring Missalah back from the depths of despair? RR
1. Nothing But A Memory

Title: Black Swan; Shadow on the Water  
  
Hello, I am Laivinë. I've always wanted to write my own Haldir/OC fanfic and I wanted to write this story.so I decided to kill two birds with one stone. Enjoy!!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it, some day I might, but I highly doubt that, all characters and places belong to Tolkien, bar the few characters and places I manage to come up with ie. Missalah. *Cries* I wish I owned it but I don't so please don't sue me because I have no money.I want some money!  
  
Chapter One: Nothing But a Memory  
  
Missalah sat beneath a large oak tree in the forest of Mirkwood. She knew Xander watched her, though he did not know that she knew he was there. He followed her, watched over her and shadowed her every footstep anytime she left the underground caves of the Mirkwood elves and ventured out into the forest. According to a reliable source, he claimed that he feared for her safety, and Missalah did not doubt this. If he had any ulterior motive, he did not act upon it. Missalah did not mind anyway, his presence was quite welcome for it made her feel safe.  
  
She was called the Black Swan. Beautiful, graceful and delicate. Fragile as a shadow, as strong as the darkness of a moonless night. She was stunning, there was no other way to describe her; her hair was long, wavy and blacker than the blackest night, he skin pale, almost white and her eyes a deep blue, almost grey. She was tall, slender and moved with a delicate grace that was seemed almost not of this world, her fluid movements made her look as though she was gliding across the ground.  
And yet, the most amazing thing about her was that she could see none of this in herself. She lacked self-confidence; she didn't see the good inside and this cast a shadow over her, held her down, held her back. All her life she had been told by the most influential person in her life, her father, that she was ugly, a hideous creature whom no man could ever love. And she grew up believing this, always cursing herself and being cursed because of what she looked like. Her self-esteem had been shattered, and it would take a miracle to repair it. Xander was hoping to be that miracle.  
  
Xander lay draped across a tree branch, watching Missalah pick wild flowers down by the Forest River. She was wearing a white summer dress that left her slender arms bare from the shoulder down. He smiled, she was beautiful, and she would soon be his! He loved her, he had no doubt in his mind that he didn't. This was not some childish conquest, it was the real thing, but he could never muster up the courage to talk to her. Even saying a simple hello to her was hard for him to do. So instead he watched her, followed her every move, trying to decipher every expression, every movement, the hidden meaning behind every word. He admired her from afar, watched her from the shadows. She didn't even know that he existed.  
  
"I asked for this almost an hour ago!" Conourenë, Missalah's father, bellowed, snatching the freshly mended tunic from his daughter's shaking hand  
"I am ever so sorry father, the rip was large and the material worn thin, I had to sew a new piece underneath the original fabric. I promise I will be faster next time father, please I beg your forgiveness." Her voice was weak, broken.  
"There's always an excuse! Well I don't want to hear it Missalah, I'm sick of the sight of you, get out!" he turned his attention away from her without a word of thanks for the mended garment. Missalah left the room before he found something else to yell at her about.  
Sometimes she wished that he would hit her rather than insult her, whoever said sticks and stones may break one's bones, but names will never hurt thee, was grossly misinformed. The words of her father cut deeper, and left more terrible scars than any weapon ever could.  
"I am so sorry father, but how can I be what you want me to be when all that it is you want is the opposite of what I am. I cannot help being me." Her father never heard her whispered words.  
  
Many times she had considered ending her torment, putting a stop to all the pain she was forced to endure, day in, day out. But somehow she could never bring herself to do it, her father had convinced her long ago that this was what she deserved, this was the only life she could live and that life was sacred and that taking her own would be the most selfish thing she could ever consider doing. If she attempted to and failed, she was sure that her father would make her life a living hell, making the last 300 years seem like a fairytale. But whenever she would come close to ending her life, something, call it divine intervention, would make her stop, a overwhelming sense that something good was waiting just around the corner. And so she continued to live a life she hated, hoping against hope that one day her luck would change.  
  
King Thranduil held a feast every hundred years, it main purpose was socialisation, a chance for friends to be made, alliances formed, and maybe even a chance for romance. Missalah had always avoided all social functions, but Thranduil insisted that every elf in Mirkwood attend. She tried to get out of it once, but her father forced her to go, saying that they had to keep up appearances. And so she had gone, and it had been one of the worst nights of her entire life. And now she had to go again.  
Her father would not let her speak with anyone, she was forced to sit in a corner while he went out and mingled with the crowd, but never going far enough to lose sight of her. And if anyone were to approach her he would go over and inform them that she was deaf and dumb and that they should not bother. Eventually everybody learnt to stay away from her. She was alone. This was the cruellest thing her father could ever do to her, leaving her to keep her own company when she despised herself.  
  
Ok, this is my first go at a fanfic, constructive criticism appreciated. I know its short, but it is sort of like a prologue, and I will only continue with the story if I get some support for it. I don't want to bother if nobody is going to read it. Thank you, love you  
Laivinë 


	2. Nothing But Trouble

Title: Black Swan; Shadow on the Water  
  
Disclaimer: I make no financial gain what-so-ever from this story, although good reviews do feed my already big enough ego.but no financial gain is made so please don't sue me.  
  
Chapter 2: Nothing but Trouble  
  
It had been a long day of riding for Haldir, March Warden of Lothlorien, and there was an even longer night ahead of him. It was time again for one of Thranduil's famous feasts. Haldir had always attended these, even though he found them excruciatingly boring. But this year, he was actually looking forward to it, almost. ~*~Flashback~*~  
Haldir leaned against a tree and sipped his wine. The evening had gone slowly, each minute seeming to last an hour. He could barely wait until Midnight; it was then when he would be able to leave. His eyes drifted over the crowd, taking in everything, filing it away for later use. And that was when he saw her, a small, fragile girl sitting in the shadows, staring up at the stars. She was beautiful, more than beautiful. She was perfect. ~*~End Flashback~*~  
Haldir smiled as the memory of the nameless beauty he had glimpsed came flooding back. He had made himself a promise. This time, when he saw her, he would go and speak to her, at least learn her name. Haldir smiled again, this feast was going to be the best yet.  
  
Missalah stood in front of her mirror, staring at her reflection. She was wearing a full-length, purple ball gown with long, bell shaped sleeves and a high cut neckline. She smoothed the material over her stomach again and sighed. Her father was right; purple did make her look fat. It was too late now to change, it didn't matter anyway, and she wasn't trying to impress anyone, least of all herself.  
  
Everything and everyone in the room seemed to disappear the minute she walked through the doors. Haldir's jaw dropped, she looked amazing. But instead of trying to be sociable, she walked over to the far wall and sat down under the direction of the man she had entered with. Haldir frowned. There was something not right about the man, something that made Haldir dislike him even from such a distance.  
Haldir's gaze swept back to his nameless beauty. She sat in a corner, her hands clasped tightly in her lap, her head down. Her shining black hair fell around her face making her look like a lost child.  
He started to make his way over to her, but he was stopped by the man she had entered with, and now that Haldir had seen him up close he guessed he was her father, or very close relation.  
"I'm sorry sir, but you have no business talking to her. She is deaf and dumb. You would be wasting your time." The man's tone clearly said he was lying, and that he wanted Haldir to stay away from her.  
Haldir nodded his head and bowed. "I would like to introduce myself good sir, I am Haldir, March Warden of Lothlorien. May I ask your name?"  
The man stiffened at Haldir's name. "I am Conourenë, and Missalah," he pointed to the girl in the corner, "is my daughter."  
Haldir smiled, Missalah, Black Swan. His Black Swan.  
"Well my good Conourenë, I would be of you to allow me to speak with her, she looks terribly lonely." Haldir's tone suggested he would not take no for an answer.  
"Very well March Warden, you may talk to her. But I warn you, that girl is nothing but trouble, it would be best for you if you chose not to get involved with her." Conourenë's subliminal threat was wasted on Haldir.  
  
"Hello Missalah."  
Missalah's head snapped up, her eyes wide with surprised, and for a minute it seemed she indeed could not speak. But she composed herself quickly.  
"Good evening, I'm sorry but I do not know your name." Missalah's voice trembled slightly.  
Haldir took her hand in his and pressed his lips against it gently, "I am Haldir, March Warden of Lothlorien, Protector of the Golden Woods."  
The colour drained from Missalah's face, and for a brief second Haldir feared she might faint. She snatched her hand from his, jumped to her feet and after stammering a quick goodbye she all but ran from the room. Haldir remained, rooted to the spot, a look of pure astonishment on his face. Conourenë watched the exchange and smiled.  
"Nothing but trouble." He whispered, but no one heard him.  
  
Missalah ran from the Great Hall, for once she was more afraid of something than her father. Haldir, March Warden of Lorien had spoken to her. But why? She could feel tears welling up in her eyes, although she didn't understand why. She could still feel his lips on her hand, as though she had been branded.  
Missalah ran out into the night, into the forest of Mirkwood. She needed to get away, even if it meant facing her father's wrath later. She didn't stop running until she reached the small clearing beside the river that she loved to frequent. Being there relaxed her, soothed her soul. The constant sound of running water washed away her troubled thoughts.  
She sat down amongst the wild flowers and breathed in their sweet perfume. It was then she became aware of another's presence.  
~*~ * * * ~*~  
  
Ok, I'm sorry it was so short, but I'm suffering from a severe case of writer's block, which no doubt you can tell. I promise the next chapter will be longer. Well, enjoy, and please review! Love you all!  
Laivinë 


	3. Two Shadows on the Water

Title: Black Swan; Shadow on the Water  
  
Disclaimer: Same old, same old. I don't own it, never will, no financial gain. Don't sue. Thank you.  
  
Chapter Three: Two Shadows on the Water  
  
Xander watched Missalah run from the Great Hall, and when Haldir made no attempt to follow he silently slipped out. He followed her through the forest at a safe distance, always taking great care not to betray his presence.  
  
Startled, Missalah jumped to her feet, she didn't want to face whoever was out there, especially in case it was her father, so she got to her feet, all the while straining her eyes, trying desperately to catch even the slightest movement. But not even her elven sight could detect anything, so she did the only logical thing she could think of. She turned and ran.  
The cool night air calmed Missalah, soothing her, the blackness wrapping itself around her like a blanket made her feel safe. It always had, the dark of night had always made her feel comfortable, which to others seemed quite odd, for even as a child she had never feared the dark of night. The wind tossed her hair around, playfully toying with the dark, silky strands. She didn't know where she was going, she just ran, basking in the feeling of being free. A smile broke out across her face, a very rare thing to happen, but at this moment in time, Missalah was truly happy. So happy that she even allowed herself to laugh, something that had not happened for an age.  
  
Xander stopped dead in his track and stood, rooted to the one spot as if in a trance. The most beautiful sound he had ever heard in his life came floating to him on the wind. At first he could not guess what it was, and then it dawned on him. She was laughing, Missalah was laughing. She was happy. There was true and utter joy in that laugh or he was a dwarf! Xander smiled, he felt blessed to be the first elf to hear her laugh since her innocent days as a child. Now if only he could go to her, but he knew he couldn't, he could not permit himself to go and disrupt her in this moment of happiness. So, although it took all his strength and will power, Xander turned and went back to the Feast, never looking back once, but storing away the memory of her laughter so he could play it back to himself until the day came when he made her so happy that she laughed like that again.  
  
Missalah ran and ran, never turning, never once looking back. She was sure she had shaken off her pursuer some time ago, for she had heard them turn and go. Now she was truly alone. That was how it was meant to be. This disturbing thought stilled her laughter and wiped the smile off her face. She stopped. Alone. The word repeated itself over and over in her head. Yes, she was alone, and she always would be. A single silver tear leaked from her eye. It slid down her cheek and came to rest at the corner of her lips, which were turned down in a frown. She let out a small sigh, and then realising how late it must be and how mad her father was going to be with her, she turned and started back the way she came. And she ran straight into a wall. She hit it so hard that she rebounded off it and promptly fell on her bottom.  
Holding her head in her hands she was about to get up when she felt a strong arm wrap itself around her waist and another slip under her legs. And then she was being lifted off the ground. She looked up and gasped. It was Haldir!  
"Are you ok Missalah? I'm terribly sorry, I did not mean to get in your way, I simply followed you because I was worried for your safety." Haldir's voice was thick with concern. Missalah just gaped at him, her mouth hanging open in shock.  
Taking this as a bad sign, Haldir decided to go in search of water. He could hear no running water, but he remembered from a previous visit to the beautiful woodland realm that there should be a lake nearby, looked up at the stars and determined they were facing east, so the lake should be straight ahead and a little to the south from them. Making his way forward, Haldir was surprised at how light his burden was, if a burden you could call her.  
The lake was even more beautiful than he remembered, and he had only seen it by day. By night it became a silver sheet of crystal, glittering with every movement, shining brightly. Haldir gasped at its natural beauty. He was so taken by the sight before him that he forgot all about Missalah until she let out a small groan and rubbed her head.  
Haldir ran to the waters edge and laid her down gently on a large, flat rock. She looked stunningly beautiful, her hair splayed out around her pale face, framing it. Her skin glowed silver in the bright moonlight, making her beauty seem almost not of this world, she reminded Haldir of a picture of Nimrodel he had once seen in a history book. "One of the most beautiful elf maidens that ever lived: he whispered to himself. Cupping his hands, he dipped them into the lakes cool waters and sprinkled a few glistening drops onto Missalah's delicate face.  
Missalah gasped in shock, her eyes flew open and only Haldir's hands pressing firmly on her shoulders stopped her from jumping up and running away. She shrank away from him, fear clear on her face. She reminded Haldir of a trapped deer he had once hunted, once he had the animal cornered it had not tried to fight like every other he had encountered, instead it started to tremble and shrink away from him, fearing, but clearly accepting who had won. In the end Haldir had not been able to kill the poor animal, he let it go. But this time he was not going to let the prize slip away; he was not going to let Missalah escape him.  
  
Missalah didn't understand why he was here, why he had followed her. She was nothing, nobody. Why should such an elf as Haldir March Warden of Lothlorien be interested in someone like her? She shrank away from him, fearful of his intentions, and yet somehow she knew that he would never hurt her, something in his eyes told her she was safe around him. She didn't know what scared her most, what his intentions were, or the fact that she knew in her heart of hearts that he would never cause her harm.  
  
Haldir saw something change in her eyes; he knew that she finally understood that he would cause her no harm. He removed his hands from her shoulders and let her sit up. Once she was in an upright position, her legs dangling over the edge of the rock, her feet submerged in the silver water Haldir went and sat down beside her. As he sat down his arm brushed against hers and he felt her flinch, shaking his head sadly and scooted away from her a little, obviously she liked her personal space.  
They sat in silence for a long while, Haldir just being happy to bask in her presence, Missalah simply enjoying the beauty of the lake and the sereneness of the night. Neither felt the need to speak, there were some things that cannot be spoken.  
Finally, though neither had realised just how long they had been there, the sun's first rays filtered in through the leaves. Missalah jumped to her feet, panic written across her face. Her father was going to be furious! Her sudden movement disturbed two great black swans that were on the lake, that now, touched by the sun's first rays had turned from glittering silver to molten gold. In a flurry of movement and black feathers they took off, flying away over the treetops. One large black feather came to rest at Haldir's feet. He picked it up reverently, for black swans were held in very high esteem by elves, they were the sign of love. He turned to find Missalah about to disappear into the trees, he called her name but she did not stop. He looked at the feather and then back to the place she had disappeared and took off running at top speed. He caught up to her easily and grabbed her arm. The strength of his grip stopped Missalah dead in her tracks; Haldir spun her around and was surprised to find that she was almost crying.  
"I'm sorry," he muttered, "I only wanted to give u this" Missalah felt something soft being pressed into her palm; she looked down and saw a black swan's feather. She smiled. Then, with an apologetic look she turned and was gone, running as fast as she could back towards the underground caves of the Mirkwood Elves.  
  
When she got home she was reluctant to go inside. So she stood in front of her door for almost an hour before she finally got up the nerve to enter, but just as she was about to turn the knob the door burst open and there stood her father. Missalah could tell instantly that he was furious.  
  
~**~*~**~  
  
Sorry it took so long to update, but here is, as promised, the third chapter, hope it was worth the wait. I promise you wont have to wait as long for the next one! I will start work on it straight away! ( Love ya's all  
Laivinë 


	4. Honey

Title: Black Swan; Shadow on the Water  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it, some day I might, but I highly doubt that, all characters and places belong to Tolkien, bar the few characters and places I manage to come up with ie. Missalah. Cries I wish I owned it but I don't so please don't sue me because I have no money...I want some money!  
  
WARNING: This chapter contains violence. This may be offensive to some so please do not read any further if you are opposed to violence. And if you do read anyway and get offended please do not complain to me because you have been warned. Thank you.  
  
A/N I'm so so so very sorry that it has taken this long to update but I have been snowed under with school work. I should actually be doing homework now but I really want to get this chapter done because I know how annoying it is when someone doesn't update for ages. ( So enjoy!  
  
Chapter Four: Honey  
  
The cellar floor was cold. Hard stones dug into the flesh of Missalah's bare back, but she didn't feel it. From a distance she looked serene, a child sleeping peacefully, curled up in a ball. But as Haldir got closer, he knew this was not so. Slashes of red decorated her naked body. Shades of black, blue and purple marring her once perfect skin. There was only silence, save the harsh sound of her breathing, short, shallow, uneven breaths. Haldir rolled her onto her stomach and ran his hands down her body to feel for any broken bones. He cursed, at least two of her ribs had been broken, and he could feel the bones sticking out, almost puncturing her skin. Once he was sure it was safe to move her he lifted her carefully in his strong arms and bore her away.  
  
Thick golden honey, so sweet...so deadly. Missalah was swimming in a sea of it, so viscous that she could barely move. Cramps had developed in her arms, sending waves of pain along them every time she tried to move. Honey filled her nostrils, dulling her senses. She opened her mouth to scream, honey poured in, choking her. She realised she couldn't breathe at the same time she began to choke. Panic took over; she thrashed her arms around wildly, but still could get no closer to the surface. It was like trying to touch the moon. Tears of frustration welled in her eyes, but she could not cry, she would not allow herself. Then there was a voice, it was male, deep and calm. It called her name, softly at first, then louder, telling her to come back, to fight. Water. No more honey, now she was swimming in water, the sudden change of viscosity was shocking at first, but Missalah soon took advantage of it and swam towards the surface. She could see a bright light at the top, shining, guiding her back. Glistening water sprayed in all directions as her head broke the surface, she breathed in lungful after sweet lungful of precious air. Then the memories hit her. Wave after wave of painful remembrance of all the abuse she had suffered in her life. And then the physical pain. Her entire body ached, jolts of pain shot through her body with every tiny movement, every laboured breath. She couldn't move and she could barely breath, her entire world was pain.  
  
Breathing hard, Haldir ran through the palace halls towards the healing quarters. Missalah was awake. It had been three days since he had brought her in, after finding her bruised and broken body in the cellar of her father's house. He had been mortified by her treatment. She had remained unconscious for the entire time; no sign of life save the steady rise and fall of her chest.  
  
Pain. Missalah lay curled in a ball and sobbing uncontrollably. Every time the healer tried to touch her she would scream out in agony, everything hurt. She felt as though she had been crushed under some great weight, like every muscle had been pulled so tight, almost to breaking point, and as though every joint had been dislocated. All she could think of was the pain; all she could hear was her own screaming. Nothing else existed for her accept for the brief flashbacks to the cause of her agony. Her father  
  
Flashback Her face was on fire, and he still kept striking it, ignoring her tears and her desperate pleas of mercy. Then she was on the ground and all she could feel was the heavy booted feet slamming into her sides over and over. The pain just wouldn't stop. Over and over, a new colour created every time his foot collided with her, bruise after bruise. She cried out as she felt a rib snap, pain of the worst kind pulsed through her body, and she couldn't help but scream. Darkness was closing in fast, everything began to spin, she could still hear herself screaming, but it was faint, and even fainter was the sound of laughter. Then there was black, an endless nothing that stretched from here to eternity and back again. The great void.  
  
End Flashback  
  
She let out a tortured scream, one that Haldir would be haunted by for the rest of his long immortal years. She writhed on the bed, as if trying to fend off some unseen foe. The old healer, far beyond his prime, tried to hold her down, but his scrawny, malnourished arms were too weak to hold the distressed elf maid down. Haldir crossed the distance between himself and the bed in two long strides and placed his hands on her shoulders, bringing the elleth under control quite easily. She let out a small sigh and her eyelids drooped, and then closed. A small smile played across Haldir's lips, she was asleep. 


End file.
